letting go...

...is such a hard thing to do. You never know truly what is going to happen. I am being told right now that I must truly just let everything go...let go and let God.

I have never been so scared in my life to do something. I just get a giant knot in my stomach anymore though... I can't sleep well. I suppose there is nothing else to do but let it just go. I sound like a broken record to most ppl. I guess in the end I'm just a talker when it comes to processing.major things in my life....

I feel selfish though talking...saying how I feel. It's not about me...but I seem to somehow.make it about me...that's not right. It's not what is.needed right now either... let go and let.God... such an easy thing to say...sub a hard thing to truly do.

It's hard...

...when you lose something that you enjoy. Things may not change all that much but you do miss it.

No one is really reads this I'm sure or really will understand what I'm talking about.... But i miss my friend. I miss my companion. I was asked why I was sad. That's why. I miss the giant smile from ear to ear and looking at that face and knowing that person was truly happy with me. There were no troubles.

I don't want to see this person go through pain. It's not something anyone should have to go through. I miss the easiness...I don't want to lose the love. Thats why I am sad.

So soon!!

I have, what is now, 5 days until I get back to working friends! Aren't you excited? haha...

So to give an update:

My cruise on Princess was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there... being in a new situation with new surroundings. My wonderful friend, Kat Kramer, signed me on as a passenger. So I got a wonderfully large room, with a large window, and large bed, all to my little ol' self.. haha The ship itself was around 2700 passengers with 1100 crew members... so it was a large ship, it had 16 decks, and was just big.

I know a lot of ppl go on cruise ships to feel like they are cruising... I love that feeling, but ironically, I don't want that all the time. This ship provided that... when I was in one of the dining rooms, I felt like I was actually in a restaurant.. when I was in a bar, I felt like I was in a bar.

The entertainment was good, they had older shows. But it was just a joy, if nothing else, to watch my friend perform after all these yrs. Soo, all in all, I would cruise again on Princess in a heart beat. :)

Now... I have loved my time being home... but I'm ready to get back to work. Back to sailing, back to my lovely lifestyle.. haha :) Our lovely singers have already been in LA for a little over two days and have started singing through all the songs... and then us dancers arrive on Mon and start working Tues...

I just have a wonderful feeling about this contract. :) So I've got a few days left at home which are left pretty much to me just lazing about waiting for Monday to come... with the occasional outing with the family, bitching and moaning about packing, and general internet usage that will be sorely missed in about a wk...

Will update a bit more in the coming days... :)

New experiences...

...is the way I'd describe this past wk. haha

I had the opportunity to sail with my family on the Rotterdam as a PAX. I've never been a PAX before on a ship, I've only worked for HAL as a cast member... so to be on the other side was rather interesting.

It was a novelty to be able to wear whatever I wanted, to go wherever I wanted, to sit at a bar stool... random things like that. So that was nice, and it was nice not to have to think about work.

But at the same time, I've only just been an employee, it almost felt wrong to be there as a PAX. lol.. As odd as it sounds. I found myself wanting to go down to crew areas and drink with ppl I'd gotten to know... I felt like I had to dress up and do the 'employee' things...

So on top of other random things, format changes, new bars.. it was all kind of a bittersweet experience. Will I ever sail with HAL again as a PAX? Probably not. But I did have fun and am looking forward to getting back on the ship as a crew member. :)



On that random note, I am getting ready to go on the Sapphire Princess as a PAX... Soo, I am hoping that this experience is different in the fact that I've never been on a princess ship and the experience itself will be new. So we shall see. :)

Today is just another day...

...nothing really exciting going on. I did my last round of Chiropratic stuff for this month. Nothing is really wrong, just popping me back into place.

It has been absolutely beautiful out, so I've been trying to enjoy it as much as I can. Today though I just don't know what to do, don't want to spend money, but tired of sitting around the house. Don't really want to drive just around anywhere, would like something to do... maybe I will figure out something sooner or later.

Going on a cruise with the fam this coming Sat, just to Alaska. Apparently it's been absolutely amazing weather this year, so it'll be nice to have some sunshine up in AK while sailing there.

Only a little over 4 wks left to go, then I'm back to LA for rehearsals. I'm very excited to finally get back into it all, this break at home has been amazing, but slowly wanting to get back to doing something.

The cast seems awesome, talked to almost everyone. They are all energetic, happy, fun bunch of ppl, all whom seem ready to get on a ship either for the first time or again. Can't wait to actually meet them all in person (at least those who I don't already know ;)..).

Anyhow, signing off to go be bored somewhere else. haha :) write later.

So here we go...

... I am actually going to try to keep this up now.

Right now I'm just on an extended break from ships. I did the Maasdam replacement and then a replacement on the Prinsendam. I needed a break, physically and mentally, so I've been home for a little over 5 weeks, and I have another 5 to go.

I'm excited to get back out, I'll be going on the Zaandam with some people that I've worked with before, and some that I've known of but haven't ever met until now, and some new people that I'm looking forward to meeting. It'll be a relatively easy contract with shows that I know and itineraries that I've done.

This next year is going to be a big transition for me. I feel (and a lot of you people who know me are going to laugh...) that I need to make a change. I feel like that this contract is going to be my last... after what is going to be almost 7 yrs and 13 contracts, I think it is going to be time for me to move on and see what I can do.

Where do I want to go? I don't know. What do I want to do? I don't know. But I know change is coming, and I'm looking forward to it.

So

...I told you, I don't ever keep these things up to date.

It's a year later, and it's been on the Rotterdam. I was in the Baltic, the Med, Africa and various other places...

I"m going back out though, only been home for about 20 days, and I get to go back out to the Maasdam for a replacement. I'm not really in the mood to write a lot, so I bid you adieu right now, but at some point I will write more. :)